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The Fuel Of A Child
How are a car and a child alike? They both have tanks that need filling; the car has a gas tank and the child has a love tank. While the love tank is not an anatomical part within a human body, the role it plays is equally, if not more, important. When the tank is full, it fuels a child’s ability to be courageous and make mistakes without personal devaluation. It doesn't cost a dime to fill a child's love tank.
According to the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF) one way to teach your child how to fill their love tank in a healthy way is to acknowledge them with encouragement instead of praise.
What is the difference between encouragement and praise? Praise is used to glorify, admire, acclaim and worship. It is usually given to a child who performs a deed well or a task on schedule. Encouragement is giving a child the support or courage they need to make good choices. Encouragement is offered to validate a child's effort along the way and to acknowledge even small successes. Encouragement facilitates a child looking introspectively for answers and feelings.
Here are some examples:
| Praising Statements | Encouraging Statements |
| You are a good boy. | Thank you for your help in setting the table. |
| I'll bet you are the smartest kid in class. | You seem to really enjoy learning. |
| You're the best helper I ever had. | We did the dishes much quicker with your help. |
| That is such a pretty picture. | Tell me about the picture you drew. |
| I am so proud of your good grades. | How do you feel about your grades? |
And while you are encouraging your child, don't forget to encourage yourself.
How to Cultivate Encouragement in Your Family
- Promote resilience after making mistakes.
- Notice steps toward success, even if they seem trivial.
- Encourage others and surround your family with encouraging people.
- Give permission to feel discouraged sometimes.
- Give acknowledgements before suggestions.
- Share three things you appreciate about yourself and your child with each other daily.
- Make a personal commitment to be positive.