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Respecting Your Child's Emotions

Parents can create a warm, loving and accepting atmosphere at home with silence -- that is, the silence of listening to their child. By listening to a child without interrupting or judging his comments, parents can convey the message that the child is important and accepted. In addition, the parent can increase the awareness of the child's feelings by helping him or her identify the feeling behind the words.

According to the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF), there are many ways to help children positively manage their emotions.

For example, saying "It sounds like you are extremely angry with your brother right now" instead of "You really don't hate your brother" allows the child to express his feelings. Denial of feelings can repress emotions that show up later and, potentially, in a more explosive manner.

Another way to honor your child's emotions is to ask, "What could make your room less scary?" instead of "There is nothing to be afraid of! Now go to sleep!" Questioning the child empowers him to think of possible solutions and creates confidence that he can handle problems.

Here are some appropriate ways to encourage your child to express feelings:

    Invite the expression of feelings. Emotions are not good or bad, right or wrong.
  • Listen intently.
  • Identify feelings by describing what you hear in your child’s voice, see on his face and observe in his actions.
  • Be curious and empathetic.
  • Ask your child questions to help him solve the problem.
  • Find something about which you can honestly encourage your child.
  • When appropriate, share a similar experience of your own.

Include the following phrases to promote communication and respect:

"Tell me about it."
"I hear what you are saying."
"I am listening."
"This seems important to you."
"How could you handle that?"
"I want to know how you feel."
"Tell me more."
"And what else?"
"Sounds like you feel ______."

Don't forget that the best way to teach your child appropriate ways of expressing feelings is to model handling your strong feelings well.